sun beams at tumblr.

that's where i'll be.

i never liked taking that next step in relationships, never liked it when things begin to stray further and further from the boundaries of Friendship and begin crossing over into that territory i dont like stepping into.
for some reason, things are always so much less complicated when the L words dont come into play, when the L words stay well out of sight and keep away.

maybe its because i've seen too many cases whereby it almost always ends up turning ugly, and in the end, the simple good friendship that existed at the beginning would sour too.

and maybe thats why i dont believe in Love anymore.
because so often, it makes you lose a Friend.

and well, Friendships are just easier to navigate.

life is zu kompliziert as it is.

and i dont know why its so difficult to make me happy, and to keep me happy.

but somehow, i dont quite believe in love anymore.

it might be hope.

but i've lived through this,
and i wont look back.

because in just one moment, your entire world can come crashing.

we'll see, sweetheart, we'll see.

no promises.

Du kannst mich nicht verbiegen,
ich scheiß auf deine Lügen

i cant believe this is the kind of note we're finishing on.
annoyed as i am,
its not without hurt that i change the status from "complicated" Not to one that we worked so hard and waited so long for but to its complete opposite.
well, no, i neednt change it, you're right.
but i want to. for my own sake.
ever heard of closure?

its gone on for too long.
and eventually. it ends with no real outcome (i'm sorry this is grossly out of point but i'm just remembering the whole thing about Napoleon's wars and how they dragged on with "no ultimate political outcome". yes i can see what you're thinking, i know what you're thinking and that's probably why we'll never work out- all these little differences make for bigger harder to resolve issues)

i cant say i'm completely numb, after all, you've been too big a part of my life.
from best friend to just a little more than friends but then again, we really never did promise each other anything.
if it could have worked, yea it would have been pretty; but no, i think it is really, impossible.
its not you, and its not me.
its the both of us combined.

i suppose really, what i'm most upset about is the fact that we wont even stay Friends after so much has happened.
i told you right from the start, i dont think this is a good idea because well i knew what Love could do to Friendship and i really didnt want that to happen with You.
but no, you told me back then to have faith.
but what's faith if it'll only ruin you in the end?

well.
fare thee well my friend.

it ends tonight
it ends tonight
you're out of my life
it cuts like a knife
damned indecision and cursed pride

a new year and a new start- perhaps.

i dont know what the future holds.
for you, for me, or for us.
and i dont even know if the future holds an us to begin with.

whatever it is,
i wish you love.

sink or swim?

Die Zeit verrinnt
Die Blätter fallen
Nacht schwebt heran,
Tag ohne wiederkehr
Ein Schatten naht
Verdunkelt alle Welt
Löscht deine Schritte,
Nimmt dich mit,
Dich fort

Zeit zu gehen
umzudrehen
neu zu sehen
Zeit zu gehen

still lost without you.

and and
can i say i miss you?

" ewig dein
ewig mein
ewig unß "

and sometimes i still dont know how exactly i should be feeling about all of this.

is it even supposed to be this tiring and draining?
i think its ironic.
very very ironic.

but no matter.

annoyed annoyed annoyed.
gah
i hate the way some people think the whole world revolves around them.
hate the way they speak as if everyone owes them shit.
whatever.

look, i'm not going to point fingers at anyone or blame anybody.
no one's completely right, and no one's completely wrong.
you know i've never believed in simplifying matters like that, i've never believed in two-dimensional characters, never believed in black-and-white.
which is why i'm not saying anything to judge any one.
and no, i dont insist that i myself am free from any degree of guilt either.

let's just let it go, all right?
it'd make it so much easier for everyone.